Jason and I hit a brick wall with Abbey yesterday.  We hit it hard.  I cried.  He got frustrated.  Together we were a complete mess. 

A few weeks ago we had Abbey retested for her allergies.  I prayed for good results.  I prayed for her to be well.  I prayed for health problems to be His will.  Then I prayed for the parenting skills to deal with whatever He handed me. 

The results came in yesterday.  I was literally sick watching as the 4 pages slowly came out of the fax machine.  I prayed with each line that was printed for good news.  Unfortunately, that is not what God handed us yesterday.  Instead we have added more food allergies.  A lot. 

I was mad.  Then I got upset for having to tell Abbey she could no longer have her ONE treat of Hershey’s kisses.  My madness took over again.  “Why God?  Why did You do this?  Why does she have to suffer?  Why does she have to never taste what she has learned to love?  WHY GOD!!!??”  I questioned Him.  Then I stopped as I watched a mother walk around to the side of her van and pull down a wheelchair ramp.  That mother then wheeled a young child about Abbey’s age out.  I fought the tears as I quietly begged God to forgive me for questioning His will.  I was quickly reminded that I will never be given more than I can handle.  These allergies, no matter how difficult, will never be more than I can deal with.  God knows my strength and my weakness. 

Today I want y’all to know that I am blessed.  Here are a few.  I don’t think there is enough space to type all my blessings.  I am blessed more than I ever deserve!  I’m sure I have typed this before, but you can never count your blessings enough.

1. Salvation!  I will one day walk beside Jesus!   
2. My family is amazing.  I love my husband and kids.  In return, they love me! 
3. Food, clothing, and shelter. 
4. My job.  I may gripe about getting up, but I love my job.
5. My sight.  I love being able to see the smiles on my kids faces. 
6. My hearing.  The sound of a baby’s laughter is amazing.
7. My family’s health.  Small problems, but in all we are healthy.
8. My life experiences.  I haven’t done much, but the things I have will be memories forever.

Dear God,

Please keep me positive about Abbey’s allergies.  Help me to look to You for guidance in all I do.  Show me Your way Lord!  I know there is a purpose and I will wait for You to show me.

I sit here today with a heavy heart.  I have a terrible time letting go of things from the past.  I would like to say I only remember good times from years ago, but I can not.  I, unfortunately, have to say I remember the bad with the good. 

As I sat holding my daughter Saturday night, my heart was broken.  It doesn’t help to see the huge tears roll slowly down her cheeks and to hear her tell me over and over that it hurts.  All I can do is try to give her my comfort.  Which is not nearly enough to keep her from suffering. 

The thing that breaks my heart the absolute most is knowing that my daughter is suffering because of mistakes I made in the past.  Now, some of you may disagree with that, and that is OK.  I, on the other hand, will never believe anything more.  We make choices and we are faced with the consequences.  I believe her problems are my consequences. 

Her medical problems remind me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. of the wrong paths I chose.  I watch as she cries softly at night.  I give her ALL of her medicines in the morning and again at night.  I rub her down with lotion after bath time.  I take care of my beautiful little girl.  BUT, it’s not enough to stop the pain in my heart.  It’s not enough to take the guilt away from me.

So, with my broken heart and suffering daughter, I ask for prayers.  Yes, we pray daily for her.  But, right now, I plead with you to send out a special prayer for her.  She is having a tough time.  She has such a positive attitude about it all.  I just pray that her life would be blessed and she could live a “normal” life.

I believe we are given many challenges in life.  Some breeze right through them.  Others have a hard time dealing with them.  I think that by God’s grace we have the ability to handle each challenge.  The Bible tells us that He will not give us more than we can bear.

We were blessed with a precious daughter.  She was healthy at birth.  She weighed close to ten pounds!  I never expected something so beautiful could be our daily challenge. 

At about 6 months she was diagnosed with food allergies.  Eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, and a slight beef allergy.  We were devastated.  I cried for days.  What was I going to do?  How could I feed her?  I was full of questions that I had no idea where I was going to get the answers. 

I soon realized that God would give us the answers.  After many hospital and doctor visits, I handed my challenge back to God.  I asked for His guidance, after all He was the one put it on us and He did say that I could handle it.  God wanted me to look to Him.  He wanted me to say, ”OK, God, I need you now.  I need Your help.”  That was my challenge- to not rely on books, Internet, and magazines, but instead rely on Him to take us through the daily challenges. 

Today we are still faced with Abbey’s allergies.  I won’t say it’s easy.  I will say, that we have dealt with this a lot better than I ever thought we would.   We have learned to cook without eggs, read ingredient list, and speak up if we think someone is around her with something she doesn’t need.  Six years ago, I would never have imagined that we could do all that!  I just thank God daily that we only deal with the few allergies she has.